The First 365

My wife battled health issues for many years, but we adjusted, and we had a plan. We had adjusted the rhythm of our lives. The key word was “we,” and the six words “I am sorry to inform you” were all gone. I remember never feeling more alone during those initial moments than at any time in my life. You see, my wife was a big part of my life. I remember the reaction of others who were sitting around me the first time I publicly proclaimed those words. The knowing smiles and the gentle nods let me know that they understood. You see, the first time I stated this was during a seminar titled “Surviving the Holidays.” In this seminar, everyone there had experienced a significant loss of some sort. Like almost everyone else, I had individuals close to me who passed away. I couldn’t help but to wonder why did this loss feel so much more personal to me? The answer became very clear. However, this was a battle that I had been more personally invested in than any of my previous losses. I will never forget my first words upon hearing that my wife had died. Those words were “Oh, Robyn.” What may have seemed like a weird reaction to some was part of the irrational thoughts that would become very familiar to me. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were dying? We could tell each other anything!”